On a chilly evening on a recent trip to Napa, I was escorted out to a garden of telescopes pointing up toward the sky. I’d just indulged in a tasting menu accompanied by bottomless glasses of Chandon bubbles, so when my seat-mate proceeded to ask me if I enjoyed the celestial world, that’s probably why I answered the way I did: “I find it interesting,” I said half-heartedly, “but also a little scary to be honest.”
The lighting was dim but even in the shadows, I still caught her head shake slowly with a hint of disappointment. She replied, “There’s not enough time to be scared in this lifetime.”
That stopped me in my tracks. I mean, I literally stopped walking and turned to her and said, “I’m going to remember that.”
There was something sobering about this quote and it stuck with me — there’s not enough time to be scared in this lifetime, I repeated to myself while mentally applying it to all the impractical things I am afraid of. I’ll spare you from the list but I think, like many humans, most of my fears are things I can’t control.
I wrote down the quote as soon as we were done stargazing but I have come back to it again and again. Most recently, I’ve found comfort in it as I’m about to head out on my greatest journey yet — to the base of the globe (for those who can pick up on my hints, you’ll know where I’m going. There will of course be a separate newsletter on this trip but for the sake of this newsletter, let’s keep the attention on fear).
For this upcoming journey, I fear a number of things:
The distance — fear of being so far away is something I’ve talked about in a recent newsletter.
Isolation and duration compound that fear but once again, it’s all out of my control unless, of course, I simply don’t go. But then, I fear becoming recluse because what is really living if I’m not pushing myself and opening up my mind and soul to new opportunities? It’s a vicious cycle.
As we inch toward the end of 2023 — which can summon many unknowns around a New Year and the ever-increasing momentum of passing time — I thought this was an important opportunity and reminder to reevaluate our fears. Is there something you can do to have more control over them? Or at least to feel like you have more control over them?
It’s always challenging for me, but for example, I’ve been spending a lot of time trying to perfect the art of living in the moment. Truthfully, I’ve been trying to master this talent for many years but it’s an ongoing process. Reminding myself to stay present helps peel away the fear of the future or what might happen next. Because what’s happening in that moment is the only sure thing.
Of course, this is wildly applicable to moments of joy and happiness but experts do say there’s something about embracing sadness in the moment too. As my favorite Peleton instructor Ally Love always says “let the easy be easy, let the hard be hard”. You have to feel the sad moments and not runaway from them as they will catch up to you eventually. And the more you feel the sad, the more you ultimately appreciate the highs in life — so much so that even mundane moments may become so beautiful that your highs outweigh and outlast.
So as I prepare to set sail to the great White Continent and the holidays are around the corner, I hope you reposition your fears — my words and thoughts surely aren’t going to banish them but I hope they encourage you to think about what really drives them.
You may realize you have more control, and ultimately less fear, than you once thought. And if all else fails, remember my new friend’s wise words:
There’s not enough time to be scared in this lifetime.
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Loved this!!