Let's get a little personal...

How the pandemic culminated in a strange trip anxiety

When travel restrictions began their gradual lift in the summer of 2021, I caught a glimpse of what my post-pandemic travel schedule might look like – it mirrored the pre-pandemic scurry where my apartment was only a place to repack my suitcase. All of a sudden the floodgates opened and every tour operator, tourism board and hotel was prepared to spend the dollars they’d been hoarding since the sudden halt in March 2020. 

While I expected to be more ready than ever to pack my bags as I anticipated immediate standout trips to Sicily, Tulum and Dubai, I was surprised to discover a newfound anxiety attached to my travel schedule. Perhaps it was the year and a half spent in the safety of my home, or surrounded by loved ones, or the fear of proverbially getting “stuck” in a country with no easy exit plans should the pandemic start relapsing, but regardless, I wasn’t as excited as I usually was once my tickets were booked. 

In fact, there was a small part of me that hoped maybe the trip would be postponed for some unusual reason. And speaking of unusual – this was not like me at all. 

Aside from mentioning it to a few key family members, I kept it to myself for awhile and really tried to push through the horrific bouts of panic I was having in the days leading up to a trip. I spent evenings scrolling through photos of past trips in a dedicated attempt to calm my nerves and remind myself of the exhilaration these travels once brought me. Pre-red eye flights were the worst as my tired mind spiraled and considered all the most dreadful scenarios. 

Yet somehow, I always made it on the plane. And upon touchdown, as if on queue, a sense of bewilderment and adventure washed over me, ready to take on this journey with my pre-pandemic traveler’s attitude. Sometimes, after days of being there, I found I didn’t want to leave – I was back… or so I thought many times. 

To this day, I’m still figuring out how to cope with this erratic unease. Perhaps the saving grace is that I’ve been back traveling for almost two years now and I know without fail that as soon as I reach my destination my head will feel clearer and my body physically ready to experience the adventures that await. Morning meditations have also helped me remain present in the moment rather than “worry” about what’s to come.

What’s also changed is my willingness to talk about it. I’ve had many conversations with travel professionals, or those who travel for work frequently, in the past few months and opened up about what I thought was something I was experiencing alone, only to learn, this was a common string among us. 

I already knew the pandemic changed society’s outlook as a whole in many ways but I’ve had CEOs tell me they now prioritize time at home, not willing to travel to the other side of the world for three days unless their family is in tow and they’re on the ground for at least a week. 

I’ve had fellow travel writers tell me they’d rather cut back and slow down nowadays to experience life closer to an area that they previously neglected by preferencing far-flung adventures. 

Marketing specialists have told me they realized they don’t need to be flying from coast to coast for one-day meetings. 

What I established from these stories was that people are putting themselves and their mental health first in entirely new ways. They’re standing up and not afraid to say no, even if that might ultimately affect their position and career.

And even though I found common ground with many of my peers, maybe even some validation that I wasn’t losing my mind, I still somehow feel like this unease is something shameful.

Though I’ve started talking about it more, doesn’t mean I’ve necessarily been feeling it less. And even though I’m aware of it, it doesn't make things any easier. Especially when I feel like I’m overloaded on trips and need to take a beat at home, there’s an overwhelming sense of guilt for saying “no” to an opportunity that is something I’ve worked my whole life for, a trip someone would see on Instagram and think, ‘Wow, I wish I could be there right now.’  

It’s like the anxiety of my anxiety is giving me more anxiety. The stress of trying to return to a “normal,” pre-pandemic lifestyle in a career that already sacrifices certain elements of a traditional 9-5pm lifestyle is quite burdensome and one that maybe that goes unrealized until you take a minute, or in 2020’s case a year and a half, to slow down and acknowledge just how fast you were going, how much you were sacrificing.  

This common thread is exactly why I decided to write about this newsletter because I know a lot of my readers are involved in the travel space. I want you to know that you aren’t alone should you be feeling the same way. I want you to reach out if you’re feeling this way to share your story – and most of all, for anyone who can’t comprehend this feeling whatsoever, I want you to realize that sometimes people need breaks, need space, need time – in general but especially so when it comes to what we call work. Because no matter how much we may love what we do, it’s still only one aspect of our life, and there are many others that need tending to, as well. 

With an open heart and kindness, XO

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